Hubris

Since I started drawing again, I've been deliberate in an attempt to not let myself care-- I use old paper, even old newsprint. I draw on both sides. I'm not allowing myself to get invested in this because I'm afraid of being hurt again at not being able to pursue it beyond the hobby level. I don't know how to break out of that mold, of the empty-nester trying to get her life back. I wish I could go back to my 25-year-old self and talk to the empty-nesters I knew then, the older women at ARC Gallery, and West Hubbard Group, and Artemisia (although there were fewer of them at Artemisia) and ask them to confirm these feelings-- whether I'm too old to do this again, and my distaste for playing the gallery game. That I just want to make art that I want to make, not trying to change the world, or invent a new paradigm, but just to draw.

Ann, this week, looking too thin. I told my husband she's the next best thing to a cadaver to draw. (Which is unfair- she has proper flesh on her bones, despite being too thin.) I studied back muscles in case she was the model and it seems to have paid off, with one of the best back studies I've done.


Couple of nice 5 minute ones, including one where I elected to not do the whole figure. The 10s alright, but I wasn't crazy about the poses; and a reasonably nice 25. I think it's time to do more on nice paper, after all, and put together a show.

Lucky

New model last night, "Lucky," youthful middle aged with a soft, lovely body. Nice to draw flesh rather than bones, but she was a slow draw-- I could barely capture her at all on the 5 minutes poses, and the 10 and 15 were challenging, 25 a disaster (not even worth posting), but the hour was a winner, and felt like the right amount of time to give her.

Some models you struggle to stretch the time on a long pose, but oddly, I needed every minute for her.

This drawing combination standard #2 pencil, #2 graphite pencil, and #4B charcoal pencil, all with very sharp points.

Another day, another set of drawings going no where

Not that anyone gives a shit, and not that I have any plans for these, but here's today's set. I'm just breaking the no whining rule all over the place today.

Bigger paper. Was able to correct some poorly drawn heads, which is difficult.

25 minute pose

10 minute poses

5 minute pose

The Search for Schroedinger's Kid

Yes, like the rest of America, I became reluctantly aware of Falcon the Balloon Boy yesterday, although since we don't have cable I was able to stay out of the high drama. I mostly followed it via this thread on Metafilter. One of the major themes in the thread regarded the parents and their hobbies, especially the rock-star wannabe mom.

As one commenter put it,

"The problem is that they participate in the hobby in such a way that the purpose is to project their fantasy to us as a reality. They aren't simply playing guitar. They are showing us that they play guitar in a home studio to convince us that they are not merely hobbyist guitarists, but serious guitarists, the proof of which is the studio."

Where does one draw this line? I do this. I have this "fancy" studio, with easels and expensive paper, and for god's sake, I've started blogging the stuff. So is someone like me simply trying to convince the world, or herself, that she is a serious artist, and the proof is the studio and the blog?

It's a feedback loop. I am an artist because I have a studio because I am an artist ad infinitum.

Some days it's just not there

The model yesterday was the bodybuilder. "Toned" does not begin to describe this body. She makes me understand how little I understand how the muscles sit on the bones. With a fleshier body you can fudge it a little; the softness disguises the inadequacies of my anatomical understanding. With this model, there's nowhere to hide.

I had a lot of trouble with the short poses, usually my stronger drawings. But the five minute poses were close to embarrassing, and the 10s and 15s not there at all. These are the best of the lot.

It did make me think about what to do with the pear tree branches; and I'm thinking that to base the carving on the muscles of the arms and legs would be wonderful. Otherwise, still use the mosaic idea. I'll definitely need to strip the bark I think if I use this idea.

They were right there all along

I found all my journals, exactly where I put them, on the closet shelf, exactly where I had looked a few months ago. Bizarre.

Not so feeble

After reading this earlier, I wonder why I bother. I've never understood the point behind deliberately bad painting. The detached cynicism of the "technique," if you can call it that, is distasteful in the extreme. The insider assumptions, the contempt for skill, the mistrust of depth are symptomatic of what is worst in our society.

On the other hand, here am I, wasting my sweetness in the desert air. On the gripping hand, am I just at the other end of the nothing-important-to-say spectrum? At any rate, I sure can draw. Here's yesterday's session. The model is N. Painfully beautiful face and a lovely body, but oddly shadowless; she evinces no personality and is extremely difficult to draw some days. I call her the Little Mermaid, because of her poses, especially her favorite, which emulates the Copenhagen statue.

One-hour pose

25-minute pose

10-minute pose

5-minute pose